ReThink Your Marriage
There is an old saying that goes, “it’s not how you start, it’s how you finish that counts.” Why is it that marriages start off with romance, but often ends with resignation? Sadly, studies still show that 1 out of 2 marriages ends in divorce. Wall Street Journal conducted a recent study on “Grey Divorce.” 1 out of 4 couples over 50 is getting divorced. It’s time to rethink the marriage relationship because the normal approach to having a successful marriage relationship isn’t working. It’s broken.
Romans 12:2 (NLT) Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
3 things that influence our thinking toward marriage & relationships the most…
Our parents: How our parents modeled marriage influences our views and perspective toward marriage.
Our culture: How we think is also shaped by what we see and hear from the ideas and philosophies of what’s “trending” in our popular culture.
Our friends: Show me your friends and I will show you your future. Your tribe determines your vibe.
Unfortunately, all three of these factors don’t always reflect “God’s good and pleasing and perfect will.”
How To ReThink Your Marriage
Start by changing your...
1. Beliefs.
The only way to change our marriage is not by attempting to change our spouse, but rather changing our beliefs. When we place unrealistic expectations upon our spouse and form the belief that they are responsible for our happiness then we set ourselves up for major disappointment and failure in our marriage. Focus on changing your beliefs instead of changing your spouse. We are all imperfect. Our true source of happiness/joy is not found in our spouse, but in the person of Jesus Christ. Only God can meet all of our needs and bring lasting joy into our lives. Happiness is not an emotion we feel, it is a decision we make. Happiness is a choice!
Proverbs 23:7 (NKJV) For as he thinks in his heart, so is he…
Proverbs 4:23 (NIV) Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
2. Thoughts.
Too many of us have R.A.T.’s (Really Awful Thoughts) crawling around inside our heads. The beliefs we hold in our heart toward our spouse determine the thoughts we have toward them.
Rather than focusing on the good things or good qualities in our spouse, we dwell on the negative. Our mind will justify what our heart believes.
Philippians 4:8 (NLT) Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.
3. Feelings
Wrong beliefs and negative thoughts can only lead to negative emotions. This is what causes emotional D.R.I.F.T. (Disappointment, Regret, Isolation, Frustration, and Tension).
Anger is the number one tool our spiritual enemy uses to create a wedge between a husband and wife. He knows that if he can get you angry and keep you angry he has you trapped.
2 Corinthians 10:5 (MSG) We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ.
4. Actions
Wrong beliefs lead to negative thoughts which produce negative and unhealthy emotions. This results in negative behavior and actions toward each other. No wonder we are quick to point the finger to cast blame, judge, ridicule and criticize.
Rather than having a sense of security in our marriage we feel insecure which perpetuates the dysfunctional and unhealthy cycle we have fallen into.
The only way to change our marriage is by changing our beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Only God can help us do that.
Galatians 5:13 (NLT) For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.
Ephesians 4:31-32 (NLT) Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Stop The Drift and Make The Shift! Start today by living with greater intention.