Have you ever used jumper cables before? Chances are if you haven’t personally used them you’ve seen someone else use them to help jump-start another vehicle with a dead battery. Recently, that happened to me. My car wouldn’t start so I asked a friend to pull his vehicle up next to mine so the jumper cables would reach both of our cars.  As my friend left his car running. He opened up the hood and told me to go ahead and latch the cables onto the battery of my car. After I put the red (positive) and the black (negative) cables onto the correct battery terminals, my friend proceeded to put his end of the cables onto his battery terminals. However, I noticed he was getting ready to clamp the (black) negative cable onto the (red) positive terminal. Quickly, I shouted WAIT!!!! Don’t put the negative onto the positive! My terrified friend said why? What difference will it make? I said, “if you put the negative onto the positive while the engine is running it can cause problems to your electrical components of the car or even damage the engine.” 

When you think about it, the same is true with friendships. A negative influence can cause serious problems in our lives if we’re not careful. That is why helping our kids choose the right kind of friends is so important.

1 Corinthians 15:33 (NIV) Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”

As parents, I believe it is our responsibility to help our kids know what to look for in friendships. There are 3 characteristics to teach our kids when choosing their friends.  I call it the TLC of friendships. 

 The TLC of Friendships

1.  Tough

When I refer to tough, I’m not referring to physical toughness but spiritual toughness. I love the story of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. The 4 Hebrew boys in the book of Daniel had purposed in their hearts that they would not bow down and worship a golden statue (false god) and defile their Lord even in the midst of intense peer pressure and possible death. Because of their commitment to God and to each other, they refused to compromise their faith. 

You attract who you are. When our kids are spiritually grounded and have a passion and heart for God, they are going to attract other kids with that same fire and passion. That is why it is so important that parents model this same fire and passion in front of their kids and make sure that their kids are rooted in a local church. They need to have positive influences whose beliefs and values are aligned with your beliefs and values as a family.

Finding spiritually tough friends will help in two ways.

1. They will make you bolder

2. They will make you better

Proverbs 27:17 (NIV) As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

Proverbs 13:20 (NLT) Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.

2.  Loyal

I spoke with a father recently who shared a tragic situation of betrayal that occurred between his daughter and her childhood best friend. Her friend was supposed to spend the night like they had planned all week when suddenly her friend said she could no longer spend the night due to some vague circumstances. Later, she learned that her childhood best friend was dishonest and actually ended up spending the night with another girl. This caused secrecy and dishonesty that damaged a life-long friendship and caused tension between the parents. 

A loyal friend will do two things.

Be a confidant to you. A true friend is trustworthy and will not betray you. 

Celebrate you. A true friend is happy when you succeed.

Help your kids surround themselves with friends who will celebrate them not tolerate them.

Proverbs 18:24 (NLT) There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.

3.  Committed

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is the story of Ruth and her mother-in-law Naomi.  When Naomi and her two daughters-in-law found themselves as widows after all 3 lost their husbands. Naomi encouraged her daughters-in-law to return home to their families. One of the daughters-in-law decided to return to her homeland even though they worshiped false gods. However, notice what Ruth said...

Ruth 1:16-17 (NLT) 'But Ruth replied, “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. Wherever you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord punish me severely if I allow anything but death to separate us!”

It’s sad and unfortunate but the virtues of Tough, Loyal and Committed are hard to find in our culture today. I am convinced they still exist, they’re just harder to find.

Committed Friends...

Accept you unconditionally. We don’t have to pretend to be something or someone we’re not.

Align with you. A real friend shares the same mission, vision & values as you do. They are an asset not a liability to your future. 

Encourage your kids to do a “friendatory” from time to time to determine where they stand in their friendships. 

As the old saying goes, “show me your friends and I will show you your future.”