How To Get On The Same Page In Your Marriage
Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?
Amos 3:3 (NLT)
Importance Of Teamwork
I have always been fascinated by watching the teamwork of rowing. At first glance, it doesn’t look all that impressive watching 8 people sitting on their “rears” going backward. However, the alignment, synchrony, and precision of all eight blades hitting the water at the exact same time flawlessly is pretty impressive as they glide across the water. It’s the perfect example of the acronym T.E.A.M. (Together Everyone Achieves More). Imagine if we could get that same alignment, teamwork, and synergy in our marriage relationships or with our families as a whole. Unfortunately, for many couples, what started out as the “ideal,” turns into an “ordeal” simply because they have a difficult time seeing eye to eye and getting on the same page with the little things. These little disagreements (misalignment) can quickly escalate into becoming big issues that divide and derail marriages.
How To Communicate With Your Spouse
The decisions you need to make as a couple, whether it's agreeing on who is going to clean the house, how to discipline the kids, handle the finances, set boundaries with the in-laws, or who helps the kids with their homework, are endless when it comes to dividing and conquering the many roles and responsibilities within the marriage relationship. Making these decisions can be a challenge if you and your spouse struggle to get on the same page and agree on a direction to take. Each of you may feel strongly that your perspective is the right way to go, but have you ever thought about how you came to think or feel that way?
Our beliefs determine our behavior. What you believe determines how you live.
— Rodney Gage, Family Shift Book
What Shapes Your Beliefs?
There are several factors that shape our attitudes, perspective, and expectations that can cause couples to feel like they are on two completely different pages or rowing in opposite directions.
Download the FREE worksheet and answer the following questions… have your spouse answer them too and then compare notes!
Who did what in your home growing up?
It’s easy to transfer those same expectations into our own marriage.
What pop-culture do you absorb?
In today's ever-changing world, emerging trends within today's culture are redefining who does what and how things get done. The relationship dynamics we are observing in these scripted, edited, fiction-based environments leave their marks. Take a look at the popular culture portrayed through TV, movies and social media that you are exposed to. What’s on your ‘recently watched’ feed?
What are your friends like?
It’s easy to compare and expect our spouse to do more of what our friends do and how they do it.
While there can be many “good things” or “best practices” we can learn from all the above that benefit our marriage relationship, it is still important to discuss openly how you will agree to work together as a team in your marriage and home.
The real question is, “how does a couple get on the same page?”
We recommend you download the worksheet and complete the couple exercises to take the first step in reconnecting with your spouse. Think of it as free couples therapy exercises, with a little marriage bible study thrown in for good measure.
In this free download, you’ll find:
Communication In Marriage Tips
Questions To Ask Yourself & Each Other
Bible Verses About Marriage
Steps To Improve Communication In Relationships
Step One: Think Who Before Do
At some point, a couple needs to decide this is how “we” want to do things. Each of you make a list of things that are important to you, then combine them. Title it, “This is what is important to us” or “This is who we want to become” as a couple or family. Knowing what is important to each of you individually will help you decide how to integrate your values collectively as a couple and family to ensure you get on the same page.
Step Two: We Is Greater Than Me
It’s not about “me.” It’s about “us.” It’s about serving one another and putting the needs of your spouse before your own. This is called “sacrificial love.” The more we are willing to serve each other and do what is ultimately best for the marriage and family, the faster you will move from where you are to where you desire to be as a couple.
Step Three: Agree to Disagree
Because everyone is wired differently, comes from different backgrounds and sees things from their own unique perspective, we will always have differing opinions as to who does what or how things should be done. However, when you think “who before do” and embrace the belief that “we is greater than me,” it gives room to disagree on some things without it destroying your marriage because you are determined to not let anything stand in your way of “who” you are striving to become as a couple.
It’s also important to allow each spouse to do what they do best and support and affirm each other’s strengths. Knowing and understanding each other’s strengths, weakness, personalities, goals, and dreams will allow you to fight for your marriage and fight for each other because you have agreed upon who you want to become and the destination of where you want to go in your marriage and family.
As the old saying goes, it takes teamwork to make the dream work.
Want more MARRIAGE & PARENTING tips and tools?
Check out the Family Shift Book! It’s the 5 step plan to stop drifting and start living with greater intention in your relationships that matter most.
Each chapter contains questions to answer as a family and additional resources to work through together. Every family gets off track at some point, but that's not a major problem as long as you know your destination. Family Shift has families working together to create a family vision, mission statement, and core values family members will be better equipped to help one another navigate the unexpected twists and turns of life.